Posted at 16:00
It’s a fluctuating story. And then love. One ending badly, the other pretty good. Depending on where you are. Here is the “taboo”, albeit hypothesized, of Stéphane *.
“We have decided to write to you, because it is taboo in this community. We shouldn’t develop feelings of love in these activities, but what do we do when the chemistry works? “
What to do when feelings come to confuse the cards, in a game in which the rules are clearly established a priori? Holy question, really. Never, if I’m not mistaken, to date asked here. Stéphane, 46, wrote to us earlier this spring, to lift the veil on this “taboo” scenario, which happened to him against all odds. Even against his will.
But let’s start from the beginning. With a sweet voice and in total transparency, Stéphane welcomes us to his lovely house in Verdun to tell his story. Silently and directly, he answers our questions. His discovery of sexuality? Everything that is more “normal”, around the age of 16, “without anything strange or crazy”, takes the trouble to point out. We understand that the interest in swing came later.
After a few “one night”, “always with a girl”, “never anything in a group, never, never”, he specifies again, Stéphane meets his first girlfriend, around the age of 18, with whom he spends eight years. To bed ? “Dead,” he said with a grimace. “Completely.” He does not dwell on the subject, but we understand that the relationship was rather unhealthy. And that he came out “destroyed”.
Did he betray her? “No, no, no”, Stéphane replies. I am a very loyal person. “
He spent the next two years alone, before meeting, in his thirties, his ex-spouse, with whom he spent another ten years. To bed ? “Day and night,” she smiled this time. Everything I had never had. And I had a lot. Here we are.
Why not ?
Quickly, Madame actually opens the door to partner swapping. It must be said that she had more experience than him, having already experienced on the side of “threesomes”. “Why not? Stephane thought to himself. I, as a man, thrilled me. But she wanted to try with couples. So we registered on a site.”
They have been meeting different couples in this way for several years. Sometimes once. Sometimes repeatedly. “According to chemistry”, explains our interlocutor. “And it was always the four of us in the same room. ”
What turned it on? “To see another world,” she replies. Making love with another woman, discovering a body for the first time, kissing … “
Note, he continues, “it was doing very well with my ex. Yes Yes Yes ! Really good, until it was so good? “Until we meet this other couple, after eight years …”
With “this other couple”, as he puts it, alchemy was special. More than special, in fact. “We had common interests, we found each other beautiful. So much so that they began to see each other often. Increasingly. “Even three times in a week …”
And yes, he played it all in his head. Or in her bowels. Difficult to explain. From a purely sexual relationship, the relationship between Stéphane and the other girl, let’s call her Stéphanie, has become sentimental. “I was very interested in her,” he says. I clearly wanted more than sex, but I was unable to verbalize it. “
I ended up writing to her: I want to be alone with you.
Stefano, 46 years old
How to explain this “chemistry” that you hear here? For “forced intimacy”, Stéphane firmly believes. “The first time I saw her, I didn’t fall in love,” he explains. Not at all, not at all, not at all. I found it nice, nothing more. But by dint of creating this intimacy… ”Something happened. “We’ve been stuck all the time. There was a lot of tenderness towards each other which greatly alarmed our former spouses. “For good reason:” in swing, he explains, it’s recreational sex, often very exhibitionist. But not here. In any case, not for Stéphane and Stéphanie. “He was very tender with her. I was making love. […] We kissed all the time. All time. Worse and worse … ”
What are we doing ?
So he ended up realizing it. And in doing so he sat down with his ex (“I’m a loyal guy”, he repeats) to explain the extent of the damage: “we love each other, what do we do?” Reaction? “She’s gone out of her mind …”
I’ve never felt that kind of love. They always want to be together. When everything else interests you. Find it more and more beautiful. We never spent enough time together. I’ve always found the other two to be too …
And no, he has never felt guilty here. You have to put yourself in context: the exchange requires, his ex has not been left behind. “She took her pleasure, she claims. For her part, the sex was very intense! ”
However. The situation has become so critical that the two couples, by mutual agreement, have decided not to see each other again. “Respect our respective spouses. “
Radio silence for a year.
Balance? Stéphane made it a depression. “I drank a lot of alcohol and my couple started to deteriorate. But Stéphane refused to believe it. “I, in my head, had the perfect life. A nice house, a nice job, a blonde I love. In my head, I’ve been there for 30 years! “
Of course, the story doesn’t end there. A year and a half later, Stéphane and Stéphanie meet again. “I naively thought we could be friends. But reality catches up with him. Almost instantly. “I was so happy to see her. I found it beautiful. I felt … like home! A shared sentiment, you guessed it. It is now impossible to deny it.
We will spare you the details, but a few months later, and after a painful separation, including broken dishes, the two lovers have moved on together. Five years have passed. It almost sounds too good to be true, but yes, they’ve been happy ever since. “I thought it would calm down, but absolutely not. It’s incredible. We do this often and it’s fun! […] If everyone had it in life, there would be fewer wars! “Stephan radiates. “I met a wonderful woman! ”
Is it swinging in all of this? “I don’t have the taste for it anymore”, concludes our man, shaking his head. Without denying anything of what he lived, on the contrary. If he were to do it again, he would do it again. It just isn’t there anymore. “I don’t know if it’s the age. Or why am I okay? I don’t know… ”If the opportunity presents itself? Neither yes nor no. ” We will see… ”
* Fictitious name, to protect your anonymity